My Happy Place

Yay....still on the losing end

2012-01-19T13:10:00.001-05:00

I really don't seem to have much time to devote to this but I do at least want to keep up with my WW results. I am depending on you to keep me accountable. We didn't meet last week because of the storm so I was looking forward to weighing in today. I was nervous and anxious. Wanting to lose alot but not feeling like I have l lost an ounce. I was very happily surprised to see a loss of 2.3 lbs.

I gained

2012-01-06T16:36:00.001-05:00

I'm disappointed but not discouraged. I know that it had nothing to do with what I ate and everything to do with being a woman. The water retention and bloated feeling has been bugging me all week, I just felt it was going to be bad. Also I had 2 big weeks so I guess a minor set back is ok.

blown away

2012-01-03T16:12:00.001-05:00

My department hires about a half dozen people to help us out on a temporary basis. They were hired in Nov and will be with us until April. One of them passed away over the weekend. Talk about blown away. He was just here last Thursday. He actually passed last Fri in the back of an ambulance. It is believed he had bacterial menangitis. There has been a huge fervor over the whole thing. Between

2012-01-03T08:43:00.002-05:00

I'm still battling the hungry beast. Could be a PMS thing. I dunno. All I know is I have to figure out with beast I want to live with...the Hungry Beast or the Guilty Beast? I'm chosing hungry beast. I am also stocking up on lots of zero point goodies.My friend Lynn is battling the hunger beast but she feels it is stress from the job and many other things. Who knows? All I know is it helps me

Hungry beast

2012-01-02T12:56:00.001-05:00

I hate the way Blogger is set up now. It seems like when I want to log in and write a post it keeps sending me all over the place and I have a hard time ending up here. Maybe within a few more log-ins I will have this figured out. I'm working today. Yeah, I know it is national holiday but the nature of our beast dictates working today and taking some time off in a few months. The boss brought

2012 Lobster Dip

2012-01-01T15:32:00.000-05:00

Yup those crazy people were jumping into the ocean today. The air temp was a balmy 43 degrees and the ocean was boiling over at 45 degrees. It really was a very decent day. Gary and I attended but obviously did not participate. Before all of that took place I was up and out the door at 7:30 this morning. Part of my weightloss commitment is

weighing in

2011-12-31T22:21:00.002-05:00

I did it and I did it at a most (in)opportune time. I joined weight watchers. My first official weigh in was on Dec 15. Since that time I have lost 11 pounds! I lost 6.9 pounds on week 1 and 4.1 this past week. Thursdays are the weigh in day. Some day I will share what my starting weight was and what my current weight is but not yet. I will say that I need to lose alot and that my ultimate goal

Laying low

2011-07-13T10:23:00.000-04:00

Some things are meant to be and some just are not. I think we all struggle with discerning the difference from time to time. I've decided to not worry that far ahead. Spending time, hanging out, expecting nothing has been quite pleasant. 3 weeks of it has actually gotten me alot further ahead than a year and a half of worrying did. Kids and ex's and life in general has taken a back seat to fun

Kinda funny how things go

2011-06-06T13:10:00.000-04:00

When I last posted things were tentative. Life was on hold. I was hanging on by a very small thread. I was just taking whatever slivers of time I could get with Gary. My head and heart were still hanging on to how he had made me feel in the beginning. I wanted that feeling back so damned bad that I once again was that desperate person in a one sided relationship. It sucked. Well it took a turn

Back and forth

2011-04-07T16:26:00.000-04:00

That's where my feelings are. Here and there. Up and down. But for now it's all good. Gary's daughter had her baby. He was born 8 days early and is a little sweetheart. I went down last weekend and saw him. It was a good visit. I know the daughter was glad to see me. I know Gary was glad to see me. His mom was ecstatic to see me. Getting accosted by a little french lady was quite an experience.

Will you indulge me?

2011-03-24T13:10:00.000-04:00

Part of letting go is working through it. For me that also includes analyzing it and trying to figure out if I could have done anything different. I have been doing this in my head the last few months because I think I already knew the answers but I just couldn't bear to hear them from someone else. I've started talking. And listening. Now I'm ready to start writing and to move forward with my

Draw up a chair

2011-03-23T13:57:00.000-04:00

Let me tell you of the big nothingness that is going on in my life. Since we last spoke things have happened and things have not happened. My granddaughter went through a bad spell and spent a few days in the hospital. Infantile Spasms is what it all ended up being attributed to. Common in preemie infants. We had no idea. Things were quite frightening for awhile. She was crying, screaming and

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands

2011-01-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

I am happy. Kinda still in limbo as far as all the external drama goes but the rest is good. I'm still living at my house and will continue to do that until I sell it. Even at that point I will not move in with Gary until all of his custody issues are settled which it appears that will not happen until his daughter turns 18. But that's ok. She turns 18 next Dec. Just 10 1/2 months. Does that

Snowing

2011-01-12T09:31:00.000-05:00

Just like most of the eastern seaboard, we are blanketed by snow. I braved it. Wish I hadn't. The visibility is HORRIBLE. They are talking about shutting down our office early so we can get home before it gets dark. That would be a great thing.

Limbo is not so bad

2011-01-11T13:50:00.000-05:00

I haven't cried myself to sleep in11 days. That is saying alot considering I had been crying myself to sleep on a nightly basis since Nov 6. We are dating. Enjoying each other's company. Laughing at silly things. Talking about serious things. Where will it go from here? Who knows? I'm more cautious and reserved. He hates that but has to give me time and effort to get through this. He has been

Kinda funny

2011-01-06T12:45:00.000-05:00

One of these days he will not text or one of these days I will not answer....but yesterday was not that day. He texted: Happy New Years! I texted: Thanks, same to you. Hope it's a good one Him: are you still with that guy? Me: yes. are you still with your wife? He didn't reply. Maybe he has finally reached the point where he will not text anymore. I hope so because I can't seem to help myself

Holding on

2011-01-04T19:28:00.001-05:00

I can't explain it but it's different. Yeah I know...that's what we all say when we are trying to convince ourselves as much as we are trying to convince others that our decision is jusified and valid. But seriously it is different. I'm not hanging on to a wish for feelings. I'm hanging onto a dream for a reality that I know can come true. The issues are bad but can mostly be worked out through

Turning

2011-01-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

"Are you done with me?" "I is not" Well then what exactly is it? What is it that has pulled us apart and kept us apart? The new year seems filled with hope. Gary and I got together New Years day and the day after. We have talked and talked and talked. He's worried about his daughter. Has feelings of guilt. Is still battling emotional demons from the ex and is totally overwhelmed with finances

Dealing

2010-12-30T08:20:00.000-05:00

I can deal with stress. I thrive on it. It's the depression during quiet times that is killing me.

Not so happy holidays

2010-12-28T12:04:00.000-05:00

The holidays themselves were not so bad. My granddaughter is just shy of 7 months and such a little doll. I truly enjoyed her first christmas. My family is well. We had a very nice gathering with my grandmother and extended family on Xmas day. It was all very good.....except.... Gary was not part of it at all. And I was not a part of his holiday. His choices have finally made me realize that

Wishing

2010-12-15T10:36:00.001-05:00

He asked me to come down and I really wanted to see him so I went. We talked and laughed and hugged and held hands and it was like it was. There are still things to work through on his end and I have my own financial obligations to rectify but he and I are on our way in a better direction. One of the things I came to realize this weekend is that he loves me enough to not put me through all

2010-11-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

Are you still in love with me Like the way you used to be or is it changing? Does it deepen over time like the river That is winding through the Canyon? Are you still in love with her? Do you remember how you were before the sorrow? Are you closer for the tears Or has the weight of all the years left you hollow? You gotta love Ray Lamontagne even if he makes your throat ache. He is actually from

Painful morning

2010-11-25T12:09:00.000-05:00

This morning I reached a new low. This out of control unhappy life got the better of me. I fought with my older daughter, took it out on the younger daughter and cried myself back to sleep. Happy Thanksgiving. Yeah right. It's better now. It's noon and I need to shower, make a sweet potato dish and get to my cousins in three hours. I can do it. I can do it with a smile on my face. Please tell

Dinner tonight

2010-11-24T22:33:00.000-05:00

I sent a text "are we still on for Wed night?" I didn't hear anything for awhile. The thing he doesn't get is that when left to my own devices I can really spin a sad story. My brain can weave the most tragic tale of woe one can imagine. I start making assumptions based on nothing but silence. I start thinking very negatively and can become quite sorry for myself. I don't know how to just

Hope

2010-11-23T10:36:00.001-05:00

Hope in a hopeless world. I have seen a glimmer. I am happy. I chatted with a new fella for a few nights. Super nice guy. Wants all the same things I want. Totally single/divorced. Custody and support issues are ironed out. We talked very easily. He sounds perfect. But.... I'm not ready. I'm telling him tonight and I have already closed down my POF site. I want what I want but right now I

It's been 2 weeks

2010-11-21T10:13:00.000-05:00

...and nothing is getting better with Gary. We have texted a few times and he has called but it has been so formal. None of the orignal chemistry. NONE. When he called yesterday he was full of news on ways he is simplifying his life and ironing out his wrinkles. I'm glad and it needs to be done, but there was no hint of him wanting anything with me. He didn't say "I know I have issues but I'm

Still working on it

2010-11-16T09:54:00.000-05:00

it takes a plan it takes a dream it takes hope it takes resilience it takes courage it takes heart Moving on with your life really can seem so overwhelming sometimes. Sometimes the busy work just isn't enough. Writing down the things it will take for me to move on was the next step in doing that. I've always had dreams and resilience and most of the time had a plan. My courage has waivered and

Thinking healthy (or at least trying to)

2010-11-15T10:50:00.001-05:00

My heart is broken. That is for sure. And I really wish things had worked out differently and I still have some hope that there could be a future. I miss him. ALOT. But..... ...all that being said and all that being absolutely true, this time is different. This time I have a better understanding of my feelings and the reasonableness of them. I'm in a better place for the "letting go of the

a few more steps done

2010-11-11T16:20:00.000-05:00

I went to Gary's last night and spent the night. It's not anything like you're thinking or what I would have wished for. Last Sat when this whole nightmare came out we had planned on me staying until this upcoming weekend. He made it clear that he wasn't into me anymore yet he didn't want me to leave either. I thought I could handle staying but I couldn't, so we worked out a plan for me to go

Survival mode

2010-11-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for the kind thoughts and once again being the best friends I could ask for. You have always been supportive of me in good and bad times and I really do cherish that. I'm a cellar dweller for awhile. My daughter and her boyfriend are all set up in my old room and truthfully I just want to be away so I took up residency in the spare room downstairs. Sarah, Deb the Dog, 8 puppies and

Well that was that

2010-11-08T11:38:00.000-05:00

Short and sweet...Gary and I are splitting. He says it's not about the kids and the discipline issues we have had. He says it's no one else. He says it's not me it's him. Blah Blah Blah I'm devastasted beyond words.

I'm trying

2010-11-02T09:35:00.000-04:00

Cassee- thank you so much for the links. They really have offered alot of insight and have given me some pause in my thinking. I must admit it has been a stressful couple of weeks. I'm pretty sure my own timidness at trying to avoid a confrontation and trying to avoid sounding like I want to control everything has definitely magnified things. Our relationship is suffering for it. I must

Seems like it just never ends

2010-10-25T12:35:00.000-04:00

"what's the matter Hon?" "why can't things just be easy for once?" "did you really think it would be easy?" "no but I didn't think it was going to be so continuous as this" "things will be easy, very soon, I promise" Promises made yet seemingly impossible to uphold. Kids. Mine. His. Constant source of discontent. Constant source of bickering and arguing and ungratefulness. Constant object of

Struggling

2010-10-22T13:09:00.000-04:00

It's not as easy as it looks. Or as easy as some people make it look. This is my only experience as a "stepmom" and it is Gary's only experience with a girlfriend. We are struggling. Me with my expectations and him with trying to meet my expectations but also not slight his daughter. We had words the other night that have resulted in a few quiet evenings. Neither of us wanting to rock the boat.

2010-10-19T13:51:00.000-04:00

He's married. And not to Deb. I have to admit I was a bit shocked but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as I would imagined. I have always been right about him. Always. I always knew he wouldn't chose me. I just wanted him to real bad. I always knew I loved him far more than he ever did or ever would love me. I knew he wouldn't marry Deb and I knew that when he and her split there would

Basic Instincts

2010-09-28T15:05:00.000-04:00

Doesn't matter how mad or hurt or determined I get, my basic mothering instinct is VERY STRONG. That's part the reason why I can't just put my foot down and have Heather get rid of her dog. I can't stand to see her heartbroken (but we are still working on resolution to that one). Sunday evening those instincts kicked in hard. Gary and I had stepped out to pick up a handful of groceries. When we

I'm totally caught up

2010-09-24T12:52:00.001-04:00

in Jane Austen. I have read all the novels but I recently discovered that most if not all of the books were at one time or another made into movies through the BBC. I am able to listen to them at work. While the screenplays are rarely as good as the novel I must say these are pretty good. Have you read any of Jane's work? Who is your favorite heroine? October 30 is "talk like Jane Austen" day

What shall I do

2010-09-23T14:03:00.000-04:00

Heather's dog Taz attacked Sarah's cat Lulu last night. It's a long story but the crux of it is Taz is a pitbull and one that I have no great love for. I have allowed Heather and Mark to keep him at my house while they live there. But there have been a couple of incidences where his pitbullisheness has reared it's ugly head. Now before anyone gets on my case about pitties having a bad rap, let

My name is Tammy and I am a sudokuholic

2010-09-21T21:06:00.000-04:00

Sitting on the back patio, I was working a sudoku puzzle while my honey was chattering on about his day. I like to keep my hands and mind busy yet still be able to participate in the conversation. Oh alright...I admit I am addicted to Sudoku. "How can you work those puzzles and not get bored?" I gave him a grunt for a response as I kept puzzling. He sat there, quiet for a few moments. Then it

A need to vent

2010-09-20T16:15:00.004-04:00

Moving in with Gary has given me a sense of contentment and happiness but it has also given me great frustration. As much as we are alike in regards to things we enjoy doing and our objectives in life and how we treat people we are COMPLETE opposites when it comes to parenting and discipline. His daughter lives with us. Her and I had a decent relationship prior to my moving in but it has become

misunderstanding

2010-09-17T12:54:00.000-04:00

I logged into bloglines for my periodic fix of blogging. I must admit I don't venture there often these days, what with facebook and work and life and a whole myriad of other fruitless things that take up my time. It is a bit sad to think of days gone by, when the bloggers were out in force, expelling their thoughts and conscious and even daring to bare their souls and bodies. I used to read and

Home away from home

2010-06-04T10:35:00.002-04:00

Heather is checking into the Ronald McDonald House this afternoon. It will be her home away from home for the next few weeks. Thank goodness a wonderful place like that exists. To be going through such a terrifying time and to have a safe place so close to her baby to go to at the end of the day is immeasurable. Heather is doing ok. There are the usual ups and downs from having a baby plus her

Totally wild

2010-06-03T16:30:00.000-04:00

I am a Grammie!! My daughter had her baby on Sunday. 10 weeks early. Mom and baby are doing fine. Emily weighed in at a whopping 3lbs 15oz and was 17 in long. She is little but not scary little. She isn't skinny and spider monkey looking, she looks like a normal newborn only littler. There is so much to tell but I guess one word wraps it up for me: GRAMMIE! Yay me!

Can't seem to stop

2010-04-27T14:35:00.000-04:00

He says we have to patient. We have forever so we don't need to get ahead of ourselves and get into a tizzy about things beyond our control. One of the things that I haven't talked about here is the fact that he is not yet divorced. Well, the week that I met him he was but a few days later he received notice that the paperwork had been mixed up and it wasn't final. What should have been a quick

TMI but who cares

2010-04-27T11:11:00.000-04:00

When I sleep alone I tend to not move. Or at least I don't move much. When I get out of bed in the morning I can just pull up the blankets, fluff my pillow and it looks like I was never even in the bed. Gary is the same way. I have seen his "unmade" bed after he has slept alone so I know it to be true. When we sleep together.....well lets just say I have to start from scratch on making the

In love all over again

2010-03-23T14:07:00.000-04:00

Today the reality landed with a soft pink thud. I saw my granddaughter on the ultrasound. My heart skipped a beat. She was all wiggly and stretching. OMG...so darned cute. I can hardly make myself believe it. It seems like just yesterday that I was the one looking forward to a new baby and now that baby is having her own baby. And it seems it will be a she. We didn't see any dangly thingie so

It was only a matter of time

2010-03-11T10:54:00.001-05:00

5:30AM. The cell phone beeped with a message. Gary had already sent me my morning wake up text but every once in awhile he'll send an extra one. I was still in bed, knowing I should be motivating but not quite ready yet. I flipped open the phone, wondering what cute message my honey was sending me. "Do U still think about me? R U horny?" Earl. I knew it by the number (and the message). I

2 months

2010-02-19T10:10:00.001-05:00

She sat in the parking lot waiting. It wasn't the first time she got there ahead of her "date". One more time. One more guy. One more chance at a possible connection. "How many frogs do you have to dine with before one turns into a prince?" she wondered. He called. "where is you" Already there was the easy humor. Maybe this one could be different. Maybe. Probably not but maybe. She replied she

Stolen from my own email response

2010-02-03T10:56:00.000-05:00

I sent this in response to an email I got and I figured it is exactly how I feel and describes exactly where I am: Things are going great. To say I am ecstatically happy would be an understatement. I now know why things didn't work out with Earl or Dana. God or someone was saving me for Gary. It sounds so trite to gush over him but the fact of the matter is he is perfect for me. He is so

Ditto

2010-01-21T15:00:00.000-05:00

Sitting on a couch in the middle of a mall, quietly observing. Sitting and enjoying. Taking it in and taking none of it in. Her mind was on him and how nice it was to just sit in his presence. His hand was on hers, stroking lightly, fingers entertwining. Together they sat, occasionally chatting, sometimes laughing at different sights, most of the time just sitting. She finally admitted that

Hump Day

2010-01-20T13:56:00.000-05:00

It's been a wild week. And it's only Wed. Snow Snow and more SNOW. I NEED new tires but so far have been able to get by. Sux though because I have been planning alternate routes to and from work to avoid large hills that I know my car won't make it up. Work has been....well, it's been alot of work. It's the time of year and to be expected but still...will be nice to go back to normal. Whatever

Good for the soul

2010-01-19T19:16:00.000-05:00

By mid-week we were both thinking the same thing, without knowing we were thinking the same thing. This whirl-wind romance has been nothing short of miraculous. Even though we've only known each other a month the connection feels like he's always been there. I'm happy when I'm with him. I'm happy when I think about him. I miss him immensely when we are apart. That being said, a week ago I was

Stealing the Edge

2010-01-15T18:58:00.003-05:00

Someone stole his pic so I'm stealing his post. OK...maybe just borrowing or renting. I found it by accident today but I saw it on purpose almost 4 years ago. I'm willing to pay whatever price he asks so here it is, as written by Edge:Before you slip into unconsiousness I'd like to have another kissanother flasing gem.......another kissSears speaker in each ear.......fuck.....my black suitemate

Still here and pretty darned content

2010-01-12T13:23:00.002-05:00

Work has been hectic. Gotta love taxes and job security. Life on the homefront has been quiet. Peaceful. My older is still making me a grandma in a few months and my younger girl will graduate in 5 months. Life is grand. My roommate is still my roommate. I <3 her big time. If she wasn't with me I would be in foreclosure or close to it. There is a light at the end of that financial tunnel though.

You may have noticed the correllation

2009-12-23T11:30:00.005-05:00

Yes the money went missing the same weekend that I met Gary. No he has nothing to do with it. (logistically he had no access) Yes he witnessed the slow meltdown. I kept it together as best I could but I have to tell ya it was hard. In addition to my money being gone, there was a computer glitch at my bank and they blocked my debit card from working. Sat I was on my way to meet Gary when I noticed

absolutely sick

2009-12-22T11:33:00.003-05:00

Not sure how to write about this or how much to write about this but this weekend I had alot of money go missing from my wallet. $220 possibly $240. Why did I have that kind of cash on me? Laziness. Pure unadulterated laziness. It was child support and rent money. It should have been deposited on Friday. Then there was also money missing from my jewelry box. $60. So all in all apprx $300 is gone.

His Name is......

2009-12-21T08:16:00.002-05:00

Gary. My record has been shattered. Not only did I get a second date but also a third one and plans for next weekend and for New Year's Eve.We met at Margarita's in Portland. We had a nice meal, good conversation. We hung out until almost midnight, driving around looking at Xmas lights and just chatting. He brought me back to my car and asked if I was interested in seeing him again. Yes, I was.

His Name is...

2009-12-16T10:25:00.003-05:00

Curtain # 3.Ya know...one of the problems with speed dating actively seeking a mate is you start to lose track. Which guy said what. Who is the insulator and who is the concrete contractor. Who was it that had kids still living at home? Which guy hates chicken and which one likes sushi? Who works 2nd shift and who is his own boss? God forbid you mix this up in a conversation. It's easy on

Unexpected blanket

2009-12-15T09:03:00.002-05:00

I woke to another 2in of snow this morning. Surprisingly I wasn't pissed. I don't know why but a feeling of calm came over me. Like a warm cozy blanket. When I stepped outside the air was quite mild and the snow was quite beautiful. It's a sticky christmas snow, perfect for snowmen. I am definitely going to have to get new tires soon though. Walking up my driveway every time we get a dusting is

Actively seeking

2009-12-14T09:48:00.004-05:00

Probably just a few months from desperately seeking but for now I'm only actively seeking.The online dating season is in full swing. Open minded, hopeful, zero expectations, no longer taking it all personally, knowing full-well what I want but not forcing or rushing it, mature, fun loving, successful, soon to be a grammie, single, white, female at your service. I've been on about a half dozen

It took a few minutes to sink in

2009-12-04T15:15:00.003-05:00

But it has and I'm happy. I'm downright excited!!!!!In July, I'm going to be a Grammie!!!

I wish...

2009-11-09T14:53:00.003-05:00

I wish the day to day things weren't so mundane.I wish I didn't worry so much about winter.I wish I wasn't alone.I wish he didn't call.I wish I could just ignore him without having to try so hard.I wish I could just get away from it all.Somedays it still just gets to me. All of it. Nothing in particular. Just all of it. Another year is almost gone and I'm still waiting. Waiting for something to

Butt...it's what I like

2009-10-29T09:36:00.005-04:00

*** warning, my hormones are raging ****I decided the other day that I like a man in Carharrt Pants. The cut of the pants seems to be flattering on most guys. There is a ruggedness that is just hot. I like old tattered jeans too. Wranglers are about the best for showing off a guys assets ;-) And Alan looks great in his wranglers too.George is the epitomy of a "wrangler guy". He has that downhome

rearing my ugly head

2009-10-27T11:28:00.002-04:00

I'm here. And no, nothing is going on. Mr hot date went by the wayside. I thought things went well but the phone calls stopped and so did responses to my texts. Oh well. So my record is still in tact. 1st date that didn't lead to a 2nd date.It's all good though. I've had tons of things come into my head and I've thought "I should blog about that" but alas they seem to escape me before I sit down

Stepping out

2009-10-06T09:14:00.003-04:00

I went out on a date last night. It's the first one since Dana and I split a year ago. I've been ready for a long time but just hadn't found someone who could last through a couple of phone conversations. When I tell you I have had the dreggs of the dating world I am not kidding. So anyways.....Last week I was chatting with a guy who had on his profile (in one of those silly internet dating

Wood

2009-10-05T10:19:00.002-04:00

The traditional gift for a fifth anniversary is wood. Isn't that a hoot? I didn't get any for my anniversary, in any capacity.5 years I have been filling up these pages. Moaning groaning crying whining and a few laughs thrown in. My blog has been through alot. Heartache, disappointment, hi-jacking, deletion, resurrection, laughter, lots and lots of friendship and love and most recently near

He's like the Wind

2009-09-14T22:12:00.004-04:00

I am sad beyond words. I have loved Patrick Swayze ever since he danced in Dirty Dancing. He was a consummate performer. A beautiful dancer and a risk taker. From donning the Nixon(I think he was Nixon) mask in Point Break to dressing in drag in Julie Newmar to showing his sensitive side in Ghost he wasn't afraid to put his all into his roles. But the best part of Patrick was his deep love for

Nuffin much to talk about

2009-08-27T09:10:00.003-04:00

I am enjoying a Friday kinda Thursday. I'm heading into a long weekend. When I say LONG I'm not just talking about the number of days off. I am heading north with my Mom to a wedding. We are going to "the County". It is at least a 6 hour drive one way and less than an hour into it the landscape turns totally to woods. No houses, no businesses, no over passes. NADA thing to look at but trees.

Out on a narrow branch

2009-08-26T08:36:00.002-04:00

For the first time in 20+ years I am wearing my shirt tucked in. Am I passing the grade or should I untuck?

We had a tornado

2009-08-25T09:30:00.002-04:00

Yup. right here in the western foothills of Maine. It touched down 6/10 of a mile from me. Can you say "WAY TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT"? Luckily I had no damage. My power only blinked. My neighbors didn't fair so well. Check out the damage done to their place. Can you believe that there are no less that 5 mobile homes in the same area as that house and none of them were damaged but a log house was

Just missing

2009-08-19T21:08:00.002-04:00

I had a fleeting moment today. I thought I missed him. It's been almost three months since I have heard his voice. Almost 2 months since our last text contact. It's been close to a year since anyone has warmed my bed.A YEAR. A freaking year! Good Gawd Maude. That just isn't right.For the most part I have stayed so busy and active that I don't think much of it.But every once in awhile I have a

Mixing it up a bit

2009-08-07T09:17:00.004-04:00

I was lamenting the other day about how neglected this place is. I was comparing it to fac.ebook and made it seem like it is so much more work and time consuming than it has to be. Why can't I blurb here like I blurb on FB? I don't have to write long meaningful posts. Or Long meaningless posts. I can just blurb/tweet/post here the same way I do over there only here I'm more free to add

Not too beneficial

2009-08-06T15:39:00.002-04:00

I just did the 2 mile power walk that I have been doing daily. Sweating my beehind off and feeling great. Except today I woofed down a pop tart when I got back. Yeah that should help my gluteus become more maximus.

This poor place

2009-08-05T08:45:00.002-04:00

It is so neglected. Some days I think I should just give it up but this is still an outlet that I seem to need. You know that I do facebooking but this is much more intimate and private. I could never let those people some of my innermost secrets and fears. Most of them would laugh at me and the rest would petition to have me put away. The good thing about face.book though is that I am positive

Turning out pretty quiet

2009-07-30T11:43:00.002-04:00

My super busy, kind of expensive summer plans have dwindled away. I was supposed to go to the Jersey shore for July 4th. Didn't happen because of summer school.I had a quasi opportunity to go to Jeff Dunham. Isn't happening. All the tickets were snatched up. It's just as well, I really didn't have the money.Big plans were made for a Pat Benetar/Blondie concert. Even a night in a hotel. Not gonna

Spoiled beyond recognition

2009-07-29T08:41:00.002-04:00

I am so spoiled. The question last night was "Do we swim first then go for ice cream or go for ice cream first then swim"? Ice cream won, mainly because I have come to really enjoy the evening swims. I have a small pool. (18ft above ground) But it has to be the most awesome summertime thing. There is just nothing like evening swims when the crickets are chirping and the magenta is in the sky. It

I'm not all gloom and doom

2009-07-28T13:08:00.002-04:00

I don't know why but this place has become a dumping ground for my anguishes, insecurities and things that just plain make me nutz. It looks like nutz is all I am. And maybe on the inside that is true. And this is the inside. Inside of my head. But there are good things going on in my head as well. Last night at 8:30 my daughter and I took a twilight swim. To say that was heavenly would be a HUGE

Feeling the pinch

2009-07-27T09:07:00.002-04:00

Times have changed so much since I was a kid. Too bad I haven't changed from the parenting ways. It's not that I want to be in this boat, I just am. When I was in high school I never even considered that my parents would send me to college or get me a car. To go or not was based on my life decisions. Did I know what I wanted to be? Sorta. Did I have the money? No. Did my folks have the money? No.

One freaking thing after another

2009-06-30T11:07:00.005-04:00

It's me...it has to be. I feel mad at the world. My ex, my roommate, the rain, my car, my ex, the rain, my ex, the rain.......yeah that about covers it.I've let my ex slide on the child support because he's been broke and he does some upkeep things around the house for me. Mows my lawn and takes care of any other little mishaps that come up. But he never follows through on what he says he's going

Rain Rain go away

2009-06-28T11:29:00.002-04:00

OMG...I swear I need webbed feet. Yesterday was a beautiful day. I got somethings done but not nearly enough. The pool is green. It was looking good but now the pump won't stay running because of an electrical problem. If it isn't one freaking thing it's another. Oh well...such is life.Heading over to BFF's for the race although it looks like it will be rained out. She has a pool table and I

MJ- Thriller

2009-06-26T09:24:00.003-04:00

1958-2009Wow.....I just don't have any words for how I feel. I read a headline that said "Generation X forced to grow up" and maybe that is it. A growing up or old or something. Either way I'm sad. For both Farrah and Michael. Two legendary Icons. Two people who appeared to have everything going for them yet never finding their own personal happiness. No matter what did or didn't happen you

Farrah- more than just a beauty Icon

2009-06-25T13:53:00.003-04:00

1947-2009Farrah passed away today. I feel like a big piece of my childhood is gone. I loved Charlie's Angels and even though I like Cheryl Ladd it was Farrrah who was my favorite. My hair was styled like hers and I could toss my head to make it bounce like she did. I even changed my smile to be more bold like hers. Her life has been so filled with despair and tragedy. I truly hope her son can

Starting fresh- honestly

2009-06-25T10:34:00.003-04:00

Back in Oct when everything blew up with Da'na and he found out about Ea'rl and I, I had deleted everything in my phone. Call it survival or guilt but I wanted to erase all evidence to prove I wasn't so bad. Well I was bad. Ea'rl was bad. But when it all came out I found out that Ea'rl was big liar. I spent days, weeks under his proverbial bus. He claimed that I was lying or had an over active

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?

2009-06-25T08:23:00.002-04:00

I dreamed all night. It's happened more and more lately. I guess it's just my frustration coming through. Last night I did dance with the devil in the pale moonlight. He was super hot and kissed like a dream. I woke up and my nightgown was off and I couldn't find it. I grabbed the pillow to cover myself and got out of bed to look for my nightie. I found it on the floor on the other side of bed.

I'm a freaking genius

2009-06-24T12:42:00.003-04:00

I went out for lunch all by myself. It's rainy drizzly but I just needed to clear my head. On my way to the car it just hit me. (no not my car) I knew the answer to my dilemma. I will tell BFF if her brother asks me out I will say yes. If we just don't click and have nothing to talk about then we can stay in the same friendship we have now and it'll be no big deal. If we do hit it off then I

New thoughts

2009-06-24T10:14:00.002-04:00

My BFF has been my BFF for 20 years. It was an instant connection and has remained true ever since. We have had small blocks of time when we didn't hang so tight but for the most part we are soul sistahs. Her friendship means more to me than just about anything I can think of. She has always been there when I needed her. Always.Her question to me last night threw me for a loop and it's one I've

A new old identity

2009-06-23T09:17:00.002-04:00

I was nicknamed Booh.unch by an aunt when I was little. It's obviously a made up word but one that has followed me for 42 years. I always have been and probably always will be Boo to alot of people. But for here, My Happy Place, I am evolving. I guess I could be known as "the blogger formly known as booh.unch" but I think I will just go by my given name of Tammy. Not Tamara or Tamela or Tamieka.

Neither here nor there

2009-06-22T20:06:00.003-04:00

That's where I've been lately. No where. Tired, lonely, lost, waiting, longing. I've let it consume me until I'm just a wretch. It's not just the past. It's not just the lack of a future. It's everything. It's all of it. It's spilled over into every part of my life.Things are ok now but the weekend that I was in Philly was actually a mixed bag of emotion. My mom and I had a falling out Sat

Losing didn't matter

2009-06-16T13:22:00.003-04:00

Going to see the Red Sox play against the Phillies in Philadelphia was such a great time that it didn't matter that the Sox lost. The stadium is state of the art. Not a bad seat in the house and so fan friendly. The first 7 innings were great...the last 2?? Not so much. After the game we went to a quaint little pub on Chestnut St in downtown Philly called the Devil's Alley. We sat out on a

Silly vs stupid

2009-06-09T08:44:00.003-04:00

My roomie has a girlfriend, "B". They hooked up a few weeks after he moved in with me. He's gaga over her. I've met her and she is a sweetheart. He is GaGa over her. Every night he comes home and is filled with stories about her. Some of them are funny and interesting but most are just plain goofy "in love" types of things. The first time he came home and told me that she liked him back was like

Strength in Numbers

2009-06-08T11:31:00.003-04:00

Sometimes goodbye just takes awhile. Sometimes you need multiple goodbyes before you truly accept it. Accepting is the final stage of grief.I've been in grief for a long time. I thought it started last October but now that the story has finally played itself out I know that I started grieving 5 years ago. I wrote endlessly about it and my mind was always filled with it. With him. Hope and dreams

I really do work with a bunch of turkeys

2009-06-03T08:52:00.006-04:00

This guy was vying for a hen's affections. The hen was playing hard to get and didn't even acknowledge them. He and another tom strutted their stuff in front of our window at work for about an hour. I have never seen a turkey this close and in all his fanfair. It was amazing.They are probably still there but if all they are going to do is work on each other then someone inside the building needs

2009-06-01T14:59:00.002-04:00

His hand was on her thigh, her foot wrapped around his. They sat at the picnic table totally absorbed in each other. Talking quietly. Stealing kisses. Soft laughter. He smoothed back a sprig of hair that had escaped from the tortoise clasp. Always touching. Accidentally. On purpose. He leaned and whispered some naughty secret, she giggled lightly blushing. She leaned back into his embrace as they

Don't you hate it when....

2009-05-29T09:14:00.002-04:00

You hit the "OFF" button instead of "SNOOZE" on your alarm clock???Yeah me too. I woke at 6:15, which is normally the time I leave. A quick call to rideshare, an even quicker shower and driving at top speed had me there only 7 min late. She had gone to Dunkin Donuts and had my coffee waiting for me in the car. OMG...have I said how much I love rideshare??

Bring your tissues

2009-05-27T09:28:00.002-04:00

I may need them because I may get a nosebleed, but that's OK. Mom and I ARE GOING TO A PHILLIES/RED SOX GAME!!!! We'll be in an upper deck but we'll be there!! To say we are excited is an understatement. I got the tickets through StubHub and so far it seems like a smooth transaction. We'll be there in 2.5 weeks! Woooo HooooOn a sour note, immaturity and pettiness has reared it's ugly head again.

It's too late

2009-05-20T13:22:00.002-04:00

White Horse by Taylor SwiftSay you're sorryThat face of an angel comes outJust when you need it toAs I pace back and forth all this time 'CauseI honestly believed in youHoldin' on,The days drag onStupid girl I should have known, I should have knownThat I'm not a princessThis ain't a fairytaleI'm not the one you'll sweep off her feetLead her up the stairwellThis ain't Hollywood,This is a small

Thinking outside the box

2009-05-15T10:18:00.003-04:00

Mom, Sarah and I are heading to PA in a month for my cousin's son's graduation. Good times are always had by all when we go down there. I was talking to Mom this morning and she was excited because the Red Sox are playing the Phillies the weekend we are down there. "The games will be televised and we can watch them in Neal's ManCave" She breathlessly said.Neal's man cave is something right out of

Just dropping by for a bit

2009-05-13T13:48:00.004-04:00

"How have you been?" I asked her."good" she replied"What have you been up to?" "Working and tolerating"She spoke directly to my soul. Phrased it perfectly. We have been living the same existence only coming at it from opposite ends. She is trying to get out and I'm wanting in. Same difference in the end. We are both working and tolerating.But this too shall pass.Things are going good with the

If I had you

2009-05-06T13:19:00.003-04:00

If I had you we'd run like gypsies in the windWe'd be lovers and we'd be friends, if I had youIf I had you we'd count the stars all one by oneWe'd make love till they were gone oh, if I had you'Cause you light a fire way down in my soulThe flame keeps growin' stronger 'Cause there ain't no controlAnd there's nothing, no there's nothingNo there's nothing that I wouldn't do, if I had youIf I had

Too friggin' funny

2009-05-03T20:44:00.000-04:00

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