Not so rude awakening

I've known it for some time but now I'm even more sure. For those of you who have been around a long time, through thick and thin, you'll know who I'm talking about. For all the rest of you, trust me when I say it is much too long of a story to rehash here.

An old flame, the one I carried a very heavy torch for for a very long time has proven to me that I have made some very good decisions in the last few months. He has made me realize how it would have been had things worked out and he has made me so greatful that I have Sam in my life.

Old Flame had an encounter with a friend of mine. He propositioned her and when she turned him down he asked that she not say anything to me. That I probably wouldn't understand. Oh I understand perfectly. He is a player. He is still with his GF whom I have developed a nice friendship with, yet he is out hitting on other women. Yeah I know, he used to hit on me and get flirty and proposition me but for some dumb reason I thought I was different. I thought he only did that because he had feelings for me. He had a way of making me think I was special.

About 6 months ago the light came on. I mean 100 watt bulb strength. It wasn't anything in particular that made me realize I was over him, I just sort of realized it one day. We have maintained a friendship, but not like before. I stopped missing him. Stopped thinking about him. Stopped wishing for him.

I think he has felt the change in me. The distance. He has felt me slip out of his grip. No longer under his spell. I can honestly and wholeheartedly say that nothing and I mean NOTHING can draw me back in. Too much water under the bridge. Too glaring a light. Whatever. I know now (as I have known for awhile) that he would have never been or will ever be faithful. To her, or to me or even to himself. I know him so well, too well. He'll always be trying to see who will be the next notch and it seems to me after looking at all the history that he likes to play the long shot and take huge risks. He likes to take chances and see what he can get away with. I suppose if he and I had ended up together I would have often wondered throughout the day who was he calling. What forbidden plans was he trying to make and carry off without me knowing. Which of my friends would he have prayed on and driven the wedge between.

When my friend called and told me of his suggestion I just laughed. No hurt feelings. No dispair. No sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach. And to think that he would think she wouldn't tell me. He had no idea she has more integrity than I did. She did for me what I should have done for another friend 3 years ago. It's not an easy thing to live with, my betrayal. But it has been a huge lesson.

I wish I could say something to his GF who has become my friend but he was in my life first and I'm not so sure she would believe me. All I can do is be her friend and when he slips up, which he will, and she finds out, I'll try to be a soft landing spot for her.