I'm on the VayCay

18 days.
Away from the office.
The stress.
Which really isn't THAT stressful.
Sleeping in.

I have barely started it and I'm starting to relax and I am really looking forward to get stuff caught up. Sam and I are having a lawn sale. My house is trashed. But this too shall pass.

I made a life altering proposal on Wed. No I didn't didn't ask for Sam to walk down the aisle and change his name to mine. Not THAT kind of proposal.

I've been tossing around the idea of working from home. My company supports alternative work arrangements including telecommuting but you have to convince them. Ok YOU don't have to convince them. I have to convince them. Anyway, it took months of thinking and researching and hoping and conquering fear to finally get the nerve to fill out the form. But I did it. And my manager felt it was a good proposal. No major road blocks so I'm feeling real confident. Hopefully when I go back to work in 2 weeks I'll have an idea if it's been approved. Keep your fingers cross ok? I can use all the help I can get. If this works out, it'll be a savings of about $500 a month off gas, tolls, vehicle wear and tear and lunches. Would have been even more except I'm already saving about $200 a month by ridesharing.

I want to write about so much but it feels so hard to find the time and energy to come here. When I do have the time I can think of nothing to share. Truth is I'm guarded here. At first it was out of necessity. But now I don't know why. I don't even know who still reads me but I worry that if I say anything about anything it will be read wrong. I worry that I will be taken out of context. I worry that simple venting could lead to trouble where there truly is none. I pour out my heart then I save it to draft and write simple stupid posts. Then I go onto the drafts and read my foolishness and decide it's foolishness and I delete it. I used to write that crazy shit and publish it then read it months later and draw comfort from it. Comfort from getting through crazy times. Comfort from recognizing my craziness and enjoying documenting it. Now all my craziness is in my head and the trash can.

If I do let go of my inhibitions again and write things that cause you to wonder if I'm fit to walk this earth please be kind and not hold it against me. Please understand that no matter how happy I am, things DO get still bug the crap out of me. My family irks me and Sam makes me mental. Work is wearing me out and every now and then I do lapse into blues. I just don't dare to write about anymore. I don't know why. Maybe over the next 18 days I'll have some time for reflection and maybe I can figure all that out.

The Race last Sunday was fun except getting caught in an intense thunder storm. Sam and I and 120,000 other fans were running for our lives and our cars in a downpour with hail and lightning all around us. We ran at least 1.5 miles and that is no exageration. I was so scared that I was crying uncontrollably by the time I got to the car. I know it's not Nascar's fault but it was bad and I don't care if I never go to another race.