I didn't know what to say

"Do you think it is harder to get pregnant is the father smokes?"

I glanced over the counter at a young black girl. She was looking quizzically at me as she asked the question. We were in getting our nails done and had just finished up and was under the "dryer". She was with 3 other girls, one of whom had a baby. They all looked pretty young. The baby was adorable, about 3 months old. They were a little rough around the edges. They were getting and making cell phone calls the whole time they were in there. One was fighting with her boyfriend. Another had some beef with some chick. They were swearing. One girl used the "F" repeatedly to the point it was very uncomfortable.

The girl across from me had made a big stink about getting a design on her nails. She wanted purple polish with a white and black swirl in it. The lady that worked at the salon couldn't understand what she was asking for but the owner did so he stepped in and did it for her, free hand. It came out beautiful I must say.

By the time we met up under the dryer she was becoming quite a chatty cathy. I commented about how cute her friend's baby was.

Oh, that is my sister. Her guardian tried to make her have an abortion but because she turned 18 before the actual procedure she couldn't be forced into it. Down in CT where we came from the last legal month to have an abortion is 6 months and the sister turned 18 when she was 5 months along so there was nothing they could do. If they had been in Maine back then she would have had to had the abortion because up here the last legal month is 3 months.

I was a little flabbergasted. I guess I am a little naive about those sorts of things. She was so forthcoming and matter of fact.

In the mean time the girl with the baby was on the phone inquiring about an apartment. She wanted to know how much, how many bedrooms and if it was subsidized (low income). These phone conversations were loud and you couldn't help but overhear.

I hope I have one in the oven too. I was pregnant a few months ago and had to have an abortion 'cuz my guardian forced me. I'll be turning 18 in a couple of months so she can't do anything to stop me.

I don't know why but I just sat there and smiled. I truly didn't know what to say. Here was a girl, 17, who had already had one abortion and was trying now to actually have a baby. She was with a sister who was 18 with a young baby and I have no idea what the relationship was to the other 2 girls. They had a young guy waiting for them outside that was decked to the nines in gold chains and earrings all up the side of his ears.

That's when she asked the question about the daddy being a smoker. I said I didn't know because my husband didn't smoke. She commented that he smokes like a chimney and also smokes alot of pot. But.....he's incarcerated right now so if she isn't pregnant now, when he gets out and is totally "clean" they will be trying again and should have no trouble. Then she winked that little "you know what I mean" wink.

I asked her where she works and she said she's between jobs right now but hopes to become a hairdresser.

My nails were dry so I got up to leave. I smiled a good bye and wished her well. She really seemed nice. Misguided but nice. I felt sorry for her and any babies that she will be bringing into the world. I could see the cycle gearing up for another round. She smiled back, a big beautiful smile. I wish I had known how to say that she could be so much more than what she was trying for. But I didn't. I didn't know how to say it without sounding judgemental.

After I left I went to TJ Maxx. As I thought about it I was realizing at least one of the girls had no job and was under age. Another one was low income and given that she had a small baby she was probably on the State doll in some way shape or form. They all had their fingernails done (with fancy freestyle painting) and pedicures which is about $60 maybe even closer to $70. I started getting a mad at the fact that here was a girl who clearly was trying to line up her next gig by getting pregnant and letting the state support her and she was getting her nails done. I wanted a pedicure too but didn't have the cash for it this week so I'll go back next week. I'm not saying that people don't have a right to pamper themselves now and then but it just seemed really excessive.

When I came out of TJ Maxx, there were the 4 girls, 1 guy and a baby from the nail salon. The girl who had spoken to me about possibly being or getting pregnant and was worried about her boyfriend smoking too much, was puffing away on a cigarette. I was thoroughly disgusted. My non-judgemental gloves are off.

Stop trying to get pregnant and living of the state. Finish high school and get a job. Think about going to college and getting a degree so you can earn more in your job. Babies are cute but they are not a toy and they shouldn't be an income getter. And if you are going to be stupid enough to try to get pregnant think about finding a man that will be in your life and your baby's life. Not someone who has already been incarcerated and smokes cigarettes like a chimney and way too much pot and God knows what else. Don't you watch TV? Can't you see that a mommy and a daddy living in a nice home and supporting themselves is what should be happening? Can't you see that whatever led you to live away from your parents and with a guardian is more than likely going to happen to you and your baby too? Can't you see the cycle? Can't you see that it's a go no where cycle? Last but certainly not least care enough about your baby and yourself to not smoke and not drink.

Ok, I'll come down off my soapbox now.