Standoffish

Do you think I am?

I was told I am a few days ago.

Unavailable, never around, don't return phone calls, don't make phone calls, don't go out. Just staying at home, vegging and working around the yard. To the outside world, I'm being standoffish.

The reality is I can't balance or budget it all. Sometimes my time is as valuable as gold. Trying to get the necessities done and spend time with my daughter and Sam and find time for family functions has proven exhausting.

I haven't talked to Lee in weeks. The time with my Mom has been almost non existant. Conversations with my best bud have been few and far between. Even Heather can't seem to buy a few minutes of my time.

For the most part I'm happy. I'm content. I don't dwell. I don't worry. For the most part.

But there is a small piece of me that wonders how I will afford oil next winter at close to $5 a gallon. I wonder how I will afford food and gas. I wonder if we'll get all of the lawn raked before Summer. I worry about Sarah's grades. I hope for a promotion and wonder how to be more in charge of that.

I'm trying to get credit cards paid off and my savings account a little bit of a padding but it's not easy. I'm still sticking to my New Year's resolution. This IS the year of my financial health. My raise amounted to an extra $19 in my paycheck. How funny is that?? I guess my boss doesn't realize that I could use a little help getting financially healthy.

I do have alot on my mind and even more on my plate. By the time I get home and have dinner it's time to go to bed. Sometimes I do manage to get a few things done but they are pretty minimal. I managed to paint 2 of the chairs on the porch. Don't be fooled. All I did was spray paint them. Only took about an hour total but Damn they look good. Just like brand new.

I'm still ride sharing. It's going very well. I like to think I'm saving money but the reality is I'm just not spending money that I really don't have. The biggest problem with ride-sharing is the lack of phone time. I used to talk to Lee or My Best Bud on my way home. Now I'm riding with 2 other women and it is rude to be on the phone.

So I guess it's true. I am unavailable and never around. It's hard to take or make phone calls. By the time I get into my own car at the park and ride I just want alone time. I just want to sit and think or listen to Howard. I just want quiet.

It's no wonder I appear to be standoffish.