Getting easier

Letting go...of the past. It's hard. But not impossible.

Time and busyness does help. Being incredibly busy at work has also taken my mind off things too.

It also helped to hit the delete button. I had to. As long as I hold on then I'm not truly letting go. Sam saying goodbye this week was a relief. It hurt in the moment. I was leaning on him too much and he was doing the same. We ran our course. We have resolution. We both know it was good in it's day. I have great memories and we'll always have November. But it was time to just end it. I think under different circumstances we may have been able to stay friends and I think we consider ourselves friends but we won't stay in touch.

Earl on the other hand has always been the problem. A haunting in my soul. But the haunting isn't as prominent. Absence has helped me immensely. Yesterday afternoon I was walking to my car and something made me think of him and I was amazed to think that I hadn't thought of him at all that day. He wasn't the first thing on my mind in the morning. The memories and thoughts are growing more and more fleeting every day. When this whole thing blew up I missed him sooo much it hurt. I missed talking to him every day. I missed the fun and easy way we had together. But it wasn't real. It wasn't what he said it was. It wasn't meant to be. I'm finding out I miss what I thought should have been and not the what really was. Separating fact from fiction has helped in the letting go stage.


Someday I'll learn how to have fond memories without falling into a sorrowful past. Today's not quite that day but I am getting there.