I just need to dump.
These thoughts and feelings.
I was sitting here, working, listening to my most awesome music and it washed over me. For no good reason really. These thoughts that I have done such a good job of shoving into a hole are bubbling up and threatening to erupt. I know it will pass. It already has in many ways. But I miss him so bad right now. I don't even know what I miss but I just know that I my heart has a sick feeling in it.
It's the music but not really. It's not like I'm sitting here listening to mellow music, quite the opposite. Mellencamp, ACDC, Aerosmith and lots of others. Some slow. Some fast. All that I would like to just belt out the words but I am refraining from that since I have on my headphone.
They say there is nothing like the next one to get over the last one but I have already proven that isn't so. So if that isn't so, then what? Am I resigned to just feel like this the rest of my life? These fleeting moments of hot molden lava that threaten to burn up my heart and nothing in between? No hope? No chance? In either direction?
I know I can't go back and sometimes it feels like I can't go forward. Stuck. In a time warp. How could one little sliver in time hold me so captive?
When is the out of sight, out of mind going to kick in??
9 comments:
Sorry girl but that out of site, out of mind thing is total bullshit. The pain gets less intense but you'll aways remember.
Aren't you glad I stopped by :-)
Chrissy's right... it wont ever go away, but it will fade. And yeah - having something/someone else to concentrate on helps, but he'll always be there in the background. It just depends on where in the background you want to keep him.
It WILL get better - with each day, it will. And I know it doesnt seem like it some days - believe me, I remember all too well. But it does.
I luv you, Boo!!
Wish I had answers for ya honey. Just know that I truly understand.
It will get better, it just takes time.
I understand what you are going through too. Like the others said, it does take time, but it will eventually get better. There will come a time when you hardly think about it at all and when you do, the pain wont be as bad. I hope that day comes for you soon!
Gosh, I feel badly for you and don't have any wise words.
I think we've all been where you are now. Sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone.
xo
Appears you have tons of support here! I know it doesn't change how you feel right now, though ... just remember, in the big picture, this day ... today .. is like one little tiny grain of sand ...
Time is our friend.
Maybe the pain of the losses and hurts we experience in life are not to be forgotten, but rather acknowledged as being an integral part of our lives. We are our joys and our sadnesses. Neither can be left on the side, for they both create and recreate us.
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