Everyone has pain.
Harold's life was wrought with it. He lost his Dad at age 13 and an uncle he was very close to a couple of years later. He joined the Marines in '68 at the height of the Vietnam War and the atrocities that he witnessed would leave him with nightmares for the rest of his life. Like so many from that time, when he came home he fell into the bottle. It was the only solace from the demons. But the demons were fighters and takers. He fought them but not all that successfully.
I met him when I was 10 and he was 26. He was the love of my mother's life and she was his. But it wasn't enough ammunition against the demons. For 8 years, they fought the demons together and they occasionally fought each other. My childhood is filled with joy and deep despair with Harold. My brother and I loved him. My brother was particularly close to him and remained so throughout the years since those times.
Harold and Mom separated in '84. I was so mad at him for being drunk and not attending my graduation. I'm still mad that the drink was more important. But I can see now that he didn't want to drink. He HAD to. He had an illness. He had demons. He had little to no control. What was so heartbreaking was the man he was when he was winning the battle. Talented and caring and giving and loving and smart and tender and patient. All the things I'm still looking for in a man. But just like all of us, there were many sides and facets to Harold. And not all were good. But not all were bad either.
He died last Tuesday. It was like a punch in the stomach to hear that. So much sadness at what could have been and should have been. Remembering a life filled with pain and learning that it just never ended for him. Even in his later years the pain was staggering. His only son was an accomplice in a store robbery that went horribly wrong and the clerk was shot and killed. Seeing the boy led in by police in shackles and chains for his Dad's funeral brought tears to my eyes.
The pain just never ended. Until 4/14/09.
Life wasn't easy for Harold, some of it was brought on by himself. I hope he finds peace. God knows he's already known enough Hell.
7 comments:
I'm sorry, Boo. I have know people like that too, and it is always sad to think about what they threw away with their choices.
Sorry for your loss Boobabe.
I'm sorry boo honey. ((((u))))
sometimes you rise to an occasion and write so beautifully. You understand stuff, both a curse and a blessing.
Edge
I'm so sorry for your loss... it's hard to lose those we love.
Sad to know that his son is continuing that cycle of pain.
We are all part angel, part demon huh? seems the person he hurt the most in life was himself.
(((u)))
holding you in my heart honey.
Sending love to everyone who loved him.
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