Wood

The traditional gift for a fifth anniversary is wood. Isn't that a hoot? I didn't get any for my anniversary, in any capacity.

5 years I have been filling up these pages. Moaning groaning crying whining and a few laughs thrown in. My blog has been through alot. Heartache, disappointment, hi-jacking, deletion, resurrection, laughter, lots and lots of friendship and love and most recently near abandonment.

My sense of narcissism has waned in the last year. I don't even check my stats anymore. I did for awhile, waiting for trouble to rear her ugly head but thankfully since I moved to this happy place my visitors have been limited to my chosen few. I do miss the "lurkers" who followed me for years. It was one particular lurker who took it upon herself to interject herself in my life in such a negative way that I had to finally take my life and my blog back. The end result of her interjection was a relief but I would have preferred to handle things my own way.

My life is still void of the one thing I truly want but my heart is not void of hope. Not much has changed in 5 years. I guess the biggest change is the object of my affection. I no longer have one. I have finally given up the ghost. I did that a few months ago and I have been better off for it. For so long it felt better to be in love even if I was there alone, than to not be. Now I'm in a bit of a limbo. I'm not in love with anyone. I don't have a special someone that I just can't stop thinking about. But I also don't have someone ripping and shredding me to my very core. I'm in a state of healing. Preparing. Just about ready to be open minded about meeting someone. I'm finally ready to really honestly give someone a chance without the past lingering around in the background.

I've chatted with a few guys and most have turned out to be real tools. Everything from deadbeat dads to tax evaders, to unemployed to just plain jerks with no personality (and no cars). Who knew that so many 40 something year old guys could still be avoiding growing up? But all is not lost. I have chatted with a few that have been fun and entertaining. None have worked into a date or marriage or anything crazy like that but it has passed the time.

In the last 5 years my kids have grown up. Heather is out on her own and Sarah is a SR in high school. It hasn't been an easy row to hoe but we have gotten through.

In the last 5 years I have done over almost every room in my house. I am finally at a place where I'm not jonesing for another project. I know longer need the "fix". There are still things that need to be done but for now I'm just enjoying the way things are.

One of my first posts back in 2004 was about the changing seasons and the brillant colors of Fall. I would post a link to it but that is part of the "lost years". Driving to work this morning, and upon noticing the dazzling colors, I thought of that post and considering the leaves come from trees and trees are made of wood, I guess I have gotten my gift of wood.