Wishing

He asked me to come down and I really wanted to see him so I went.

We talked and laughed and hugged and held hands and it was like it was.

There are still things to work through on his end and I have my own financial obligations to rectify but he and I are on our way in a better direction.

One of the things I came to realize this weekend is that he loves me enough to not put me through all his crap. I just hope someday soon he'll realize that I love him enough to go through it.

His daughter and ex wife are still giving him the horrors. Through bad decisions and indecision the chips are starting to fall where they may. He feels devastated by the turn of events but his daughter will be living with his ex and he will have to pay an astronomical amount of child support but it's out of his hands. His ex lied in court and his daughter didn't show up to have her say so now he is no longer responsible for putting the literal roof over her head. Now he is free to move where he wants without regards to school and he is planning to move out of his home town. He needs to get away from all the emotional pain.

In the meantime, I am getting my house ready for a sale. Painting, de-cluttering, organizing. It's propelling me in a direction of being free as well as keeping myself busy. I have also been enjoying alot of Emily time. My granddaughter is now 6 months old. She is such a little sweetheart.

Christmas is in 10 days and the spirit has not yet risen in me. I am shopping and wrapping this upcoming weekend. I will go through the motions if it kills me. I just want love and peace and devotion and humor and protection and passion. I want to have christmas with him but I'll get through christmas on my own this year. My wish list will not be fulfilled.