Turning

"Are you done with me?"

"I is not"

Well then what exactly is it? What is it that has pulled us apart and kept us apart?

The new year seems filled with hope. Gary and I got together New Years day and the day after. We have talked and talked and talked. He's worried about his daughter. Has feelings of guilt. Is still battling emotional demons from the ex and is totally overwhelmed with finances. But......wants back what we had.

We are talking. Taking it slow. Dating for now. Spending time together. Working on us. He has some work to do for me. This has damaged me. I have cried so much that I swear I have no more tears. My heart has ached in a way I truly never knew. I have to admit in the beginning he was a nice distraction from Earl. He was loyal and faithful and sensitive and funny and protective and normal. Everything I wanted. Everything I needed. It wan't long before I just couldn't stop thinking about him. I longed to see him and missed him terribly. And he felt the same. I rescued his troubled mind and soul and showed him how good things can be. But it seems that no matter how good things are the ex and kids are having no part of it and will do anything in their power to stop it. Don't get me wrong, I have a decent relationship with his daughter. It's not that she doesn't like me. What she doesn't like is him having a backbone and saying no. She is selfish. She wants to live with her boyfriend like grownups but not have to pay for it or have responsibities. She thought that he would allow that if I wasn't in the picture. She was wrong. The ex just wants his whole paycheck. And she just about has it. In spite of getting an very large amount of child support and alimony and still can't manage her bills and is in danger of losing her apartment. She is complaining that she doesn't have enough money to get a larger apartment for her and the daughter and the daughter's boyfriend and the soon to be born grandchild. She is trying to guilt Gary into making sure he gets a big enough apartment to house the brood IF she loses her place. She doesn't see why he can't just work OT to keep the house. She doesn't see why he is struggling financially. I guess she is forgetting that he is giving her about half of his paycheck each week.

 She is a tool. And he is a doormat for her. He needs to get help dealing with all those issues. It may be too much for us to overcome. I truly think that if his kids were grown and couldn't be used against him that things would be ALOT better. As a matter of fact I don't think there would be issues at all. But his daughter IS still a minor and now she is pregnant, so it's just another whole set of issues.

Slow....really slow. When I really want the whole ball of wax I have to take things SLOW. Dating. Spending time. Preparing for the future. Hoping it's with him but preparing for it to be on my own.

The new year has started out ok. I'm hoping that things will continue on an upswing. I'm hoping.