Thinking about the proverbial saddle

Climbing back into the saddle can be such a tough task. It really shouldn't be so much work but it is. I've let go in many ways in the last week. I have made many realizations in the last week. I don't know where I'll end up but I do know where I won't. Maybe it's time to not think quite so much.

I saw his name lit up on my Ya.hoo Bud.dy list. We hadn't talked since last summer. He's been on my buddy list for about 3 years now. He was one of the first people I "found" in the chat rooms after my split from the ex. We always had easy fun conversations. Sometimes a little racy, mostly just light hearted fun. He's suggested meeting many times but never pressed me. He's younger, like 10 years younger which was the biggest reason I hadn't wanted to meet him plus he has had his own issues, and we live about an hour apart so meeting was mostly a passing fancy and nothing either of us ever pushed for.

It all started yesterday with a "hey Stranger" and ended with a "see you on Thursday".

Yeah, I'm going to meet him for dinner. A casual dinner. Nothing major.

He asked what I have been up to. Wanted to know if I was married and having babies. Haha...No. Hardly. The "B" word is definitely out and the "M" word right now for that matter. He told me how he just changed jobs, finally traded in the old clunker of a car, has his boy alot more often now, dated a little here and there but has mostly been walking the single road.

I told him what's been going on with me and at first said no to dinner. I said no to a simple drink. I said no to anything besides what we have always done. And that is chat, once in awhile. He said he understood but hoped when I did decide to get back "out there" that I would at least join him for dinner. I told him not to hold his breath, I had taken the cure and wasn't interested in pursuing anything of "that" nature at this time.

After a few minutes of chatting and catching up I told him that I had to get going. He said "OK, but keep me in mind for dinner sometime ok?" I said ok.

He said "cool, when?"

"Haha...no not now, I'll just keep it in mind."

"hmmm. ok"

I puttered around. Got some laundry done and just plain rested. It had been a long full weekend. I must have drifted off to sleep. I was dreaming. I have no idea what about. But I kept saying that I could go on Thursday, the rest of the week was out. I don't know who I was talking to or what I was talking about. Weird. Shelby was just sitting up on the bed looking at me like I had 2 heads. I must have talked or yelled out loud in my sleep.

I logged back online and his name was in gray. I was feeling like doing something crazy so I typed on his name "Are you there?"

"Yeah, Baby, did you get your chores done?"

"Yes I did, thanks for asking. I also napped"

"Good for you. Nothing like a late afternoon nap to fix what ails ya"

I chuckled to myself. A nap anytime is a great thing.

I typed "Why have we never met?"

"Because you don't want to"

"That's not necessarily true. Anyways....why are you still around?

"Because I do want to"

Thinking my dream must mean something I said "Ok, how about Thursday night?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Just say yes before I change my mind"

He sent the ROFL emoticon.

We talked a few more minutes. When it was time to sign off he said

"if you want to change your mind, it's ok. I won't be mad"

"thanks, but what if YOU change YOUR mind?"

"I won't"

"Ok, see you on Thursday"