Times have changed so much since I was a kid. Too bad I haven't changed from the parenting ways. It's not that I want to be in this boat, I just am.
When I was in high school I never even considered that my parents would send me to college or get me a car. To go or not was based on my life decisions. Did I know what I wanted to be? Sorta. Did I have the money? No. Did my folks have the money? No. Did I exhaust all avenues of assistance? No. Did I take the easy way out? In the short term, yes. In the long term, no way.
25 years into this grown up life I know whats important and what would make things easier for my kids, I just have no means to provide it. And seemingly no way to convey it. This breaks my heart because in this day and age it's a failing as a parent to not provide that. Even with grants and assistance, I'm not sure I can afford the "parent's" portion. And try as I might I have never been able to get either one of my kids to show any interest in school. The older one went on the 5 years program (due to a very bad junior year that we all barely lived through) and the younger one is squeaking through but has little ambition.
Why is it that I am the only crying over this? Their dad is so nonchalant about college. He can't afford it and that's that. Neither can I but it's just not as easy as saying "that's that". I hits me as hard as it would if I couldn't provide food or shelter. It feels that important. But only to me. The kids don't care. Their dad doesn't care. Part of me says that the kids need to show some ambition toward their own lives. My dreams are not their dreams. But the bigger part of me is failing horribly as a parent. Not providing the right "stuff" to let them go or make them want to go.
Right now getting through senior pix and school clothes seems a daunting task, how in the hell am I gonna get them a car and send them to college with their new laptops and Ipods and fancy cell phones?
I keep telling myself that I am very well off for always having to make my own way and provide for myself. But there were more of us doing that back them. Now all those things are supposed to part of parenting.
I'll just keep working. To pay for as much as I can. And I'll keep working on trying to get them to want to go on to school. If they just want to go and commit to working hard we can figure out a way to make it happen.
4 comments:
my new boss is in his 50's (i assume) and he told me a few months ago he is still paying on his college loans. i think there are more people who have to go the "student loan" route than you would believe.
don't beat yourself up. i'm in much the same boat. would love to pay for car, schooling, etc. for my daughters and i just can't swing it. i don't believe it makes them love me any less.
(((u)))
I soooo know how that goes! I help as much as I can, but I can't do it all - no where even close. And it stinks, because, like you, I want to be able to provide those things for my kids. But as much as I want that for them, they have to want it too... we cant do that for them.
Hang in there, hun - let things work themselves out :)
(((U)))
That is one of the toughest things to do as a parent, trying to motivate the unmotivated regarding school. We do have to "drag" some of them through the secondary years, but they've got to want the college years. Our youngest just couldn't wait to get out of high school - now she sees the missed opportunities and has been struggling to catch up with her talent ever since. Perhaps finding someone outside your family unit that they may listen to could help spin it in a way they could actually grok!
when I went to college after high school I had it made, my dad was paying for everything, a car and $150 a month for spending money in my very own account with a ATM card - did I appreciate it? No so I ended up flunking out the 2nd semester after making a 2.5 the first semester. 10 years later I took out student loans (which I'm still paying) and went back and got a degree. although I understand you're feelings sometimes I think they need to have a stake in it so they don't fuck up
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