I had a fleeting moment today.
I thought I missed him.
It's been almost three months since I have heard his voice.
Almost 2 months since our last text contact.
It's been close to a year since anyone has warmed my bed.
A YEAR. A freaking year! Good Gawd Maude. That just isn't right.
For the most part I have stayed so busy and active that I don't think much of it.
But every once in awhile I have a moment.
I start missing things.
I start wanting things.
I start longing for things.
I start wondering.
Will the right guy come along?
Has he already and I am just too blind or picky or stupid to see?
What is wrong with me?
Am I destined to a solitary life?
How long will I go before my standards go lower and I settle for less than I want?
Will there come a point where I won't need a relationship to hop into bed with someone?
And if I do, please make him strong, handsome and a very good kisser. ;-)
I wasn't missing HIM. I was missing what I've wanted all along. A happy healthy relationship. That was never with him and never would have been. I was missing having my hand held. I was missing a gentle kiss. I was missing a hug. I was just missing.
7 comments:
Gosh I wish I hadn't read this today. I am trying to live through a broken heart of my own and really don't want to think that a year from now, the pain will still be there. I can't blame him for bailing with the dynamics of my life but I do anyway. Life isn't all buttoned up and beautiful and sometimes people need to do what they do in order to survive. Someone said each day will get easier but I am waiting for that day that has yet to come.
Girlfriend, I so understand. You know I do - we're always on the same path it seems... I guess Im just choosing to ignore everything right now. What I hope for will never be, so I just go with the tide. One day, maybe i'll be bold enough to let it all go, and wait for the window to open.. I can only hope so.
I love ya Hun!!
Did I write this? ;-)
I kept thinking... me too. me too. yup. me too.
(((u)))
Christine- it is getting much easier for me so time does help. The moments are very few and far between now. (thank God, how much more could I have stood?)
Susanne- you definitely "know". One day things will be as they should be. May not be the way we planned or spent years praying on but they will be as they should be.
Leen- sad how many of us "good girls" are in this silly boat. SOmeday we will land on the right beach.
My wish for you is that you unexpectedly meet someone, somewhere and fall head over heels - of course, he will be the One.There's someone, somewhere.
I'm so glad you know the difference.
It should come along - ought to come along - hope it comes along.
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